Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
