Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You pole danced in your parka.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
