Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize