ya dads aren't the best wingmen
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
