arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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