yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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