Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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