Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
