Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
