The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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