I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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