So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
