When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
