they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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