you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
