talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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