and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
