She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
