things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
