My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
