The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
