I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
