someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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