You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made out with another girl for some wings
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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