I am in a vortex of obligation.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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