he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
