I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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