I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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