If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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