last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this boner is exhausting
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
