i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
