Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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