yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
