I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
