well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
