After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
COCAINE IS GR8
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
