literally had 100 drinks last night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
