I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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