i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think your dad took our porno
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
