i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
