i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
