Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
