So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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