His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dicks are not precious.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
