Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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