I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
