My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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