Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need a beard to bite.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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