I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
