If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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