I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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