Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
