i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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