im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
