you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
