He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
