Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am naked and annoyed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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