You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
