it hurts more in the daytime
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
