His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
