well you can't waste a boner
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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