we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
