You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
