She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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