i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
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Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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