puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My balls are so social today.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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