I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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