Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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