please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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