How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
no you cant smoke seaweed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
