I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
