Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
