your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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